Whether Married or Not, Our Major Task in Life is to Grow in Love
Jenny Drzewiecki • October 6, 2024
One of the things that confuses people is the difference between an annulment and divorce. A divorce is a legal matter. It is a declaration by the state that the marriage has ended. Sometimes a divorce is necessary. A spouse has to protect himself or herself from serious harm. However, I have seen too many divorces that were not
necessary, simply because one or the other gave up too soon. Sometimes young people are not well prepared for marriage. They expect heaven on earth from their marriage, and when this does not happen, they look elsewhere.
The Church does not grant divorce to end a marriage. The Church may grant an annulment after a marriage has broken up. An annulment is a statement that after serious investigation, a couple is not obligated to each other
under God because their vow is not valid and there was something seriously lacking in their commitment from the beginning.
Why is there no divorce in the Church?
Among many reasons, there is an essential one, that the sacrament of marriage is not a private arrangement. Its origin is from God as we heard in the first reading. Spouses vow to each other and to God to become one flesh. Jesus confirms it in today’s gospel. A man and women decide to marry each other as husband and wife “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death.” They are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate (Mark 10:8-9).
I am not married and have no children. I have no experience and should not talk about how to be married. But growing up and being in a family, listening to married people during my ministry, and accompanying many couples through their divorce and annulment, I learned that without prayer together as family and daily forgiveness,
marriage – similarly to religious community – will not stand long and will not persevere even with first crises. Prayer and forgiveness are essential elements of living together.
In short, there are various vocations and states of life, marriage, single, religious life or priesthood... Every way of life has it joys and difficulties. Whether we are married or not, our major task in life is learning how to grow in love. That’s what it is all about and that is our joy in this life and will be in heaven.
Fr. Andrzej
P.S. We are about to begin a new ministry for young couples at
St. Martin of Tours. This ministry, which is run with the help of St. John Paul II foundation, is a good opportunity for young families regardless if they have children or not, go through crises or not. It is an opportunity to listen and share with other married couples, pray and support each
other in family life. Please register and sign up or contact us at the
parish office.
We heard while reading the Passion of Christ, “Peter went out and wept bitterly” after his betrayal on Holy Thursday (Luke 22:62). I imagine Peter was very upset and would never forgive himself for the fact he denied his Master. Peter terribly failed as the chosen leader of the disciples of Jesus. He was supposed to give an example and be brave to be faithful to his promise to give his life for his Master and Lord. Perhaps Peter wondered how to make it up but it seems everything was over. He was losing his faith and any hope. And then, the miracle happened. Some women who closely followed Jesus came to the place where Jesus’ disciples were staying with surprising news. According to them the body of Jesus disappeared and he has been raised. The disciples did not believe them initially and disregarded their message. But Peter got up and ran to the tomb. He bent down and saw the burial cloths of Jesus alone, then he went home amazed (Luke 24:12). That moment at the empty tomb brought Peter hope that maybe not everything is over. It awakened his faith in the Resurrection of Jesus. It helped him to understand what Jesus was saying to him and his disciples about his mission and destiny. The word bent down in Hebrew has two meanings. It means a physical effort to bend down but also a profound reflection. I believe Peter stopped at the empty tomb of Jesus and deeply reflected on what happened between Jesus and him during the last few days. That moment of his reflection entirely changed his life and gave him hope to work out his broken relationship with his Master and Lord. Thus, he went home amazed. Dear Parishioners, I would like to take the opportunity of Easter Sunday to encourage you to have this kind of experience of Peter from today’s gospel. Please allow yourself to stop and bend down at the empty tomb of Jesus. May your bend down turn you away from your daily challenges and worries to hope and peace in Jesus Christ. May it change your life towards a close relationship with God and other people. Mayyour profound bend down bring your joy and true faith in the Resurrection of Jesus Christ our Lord. May you go home amazed (equally to Peter). On behalf of our Parish Staff and Pastoral Team,I wish you and your family members aHappy Easter. Fr. Andrzej
Today’s liturgy encourages us to carefully discern our choices and decisions we make, especially the most important ones that affect our entire life. The natural law reflected in God’s commandments and precepts are helpful to guide us in our discernment. Regardless if it is intentional or not, we are still able to choose evil instead of good because of our free will. Our well-formed conscious constantly reminds us about God’s Law when we choose evil or even apparent good instead of real one. A good example of making wrong choices in life is described by today’s gospel. It is about a woman who was caught on adultery and brought to Jesus for judgment. The only verdict for adultery according to the Law of Moses was death penalty (Deuteronomy 22:22). We can only imagine what was going on in the mind of the woman who was standing in front of Jesus at that moment. We do not have any evidence that she was an evil person or prostitute. Probably she just fell in love with a man and believed it was the true love she was missing. The woman, like all Israelites, knew the law and the consequences of adultery. She was aware of it and still continued her relationship with the man. She must strongly believe, he was the right man and their relationship will be eventually legalized. According to her, it was worthy to risk her life for the man and real relationship she finally found. When I read the story, I always wonder where the man who committed adultery with the women is. The law regarding adultery was equal to both, man and women. Both of them were guilty of death penalty (Deuteronomy 22:22). I imagine the woman standing in front of Jesus and facing the death penalty was wondering the same, where is my man, who promised to be with me for good and bad, life and death? Why he is not beside me now? We supposed to die together. She probably felt abandoned and betrayed. She realized only now, their love was not honest and true. She made wrong choices and decisions to stay with the man. We know the end of the story. Jesus who knew the hearts of people defended and protected the woman. Jesus wanted to give her another chance to make better choices in life. His heart was full of compassion, in contrary to the people in the crowd who wanted to stone her. I do not think today’s gospel was written only for people who struggle to find their true love or commit adultery. We all can benefit from this story. Many of us struggle to make right choices and decisions in life. We are tempted by disordered attachments to go for an easier solution, and we are often pushed by difficult circumstances to choose apparent good instead of real one. Everything looks beautiful and perfect at the beginning but then, we end in misery and spiritual death. The Lenten Season encourages us to reflect upon and practice our discernment. Our choices and decisions we make must never contradict God’s Law. When we often pray and nourish our relationship with God, our discernment is likely sound. Then, it is easier to choose the real good instead of the apparent one in our life. "You cannot make progress without making right decisions." (Jim Rohn) Fr. Andrzej
The Sacrament of Reconciliation is an essential element of the Lenten season. We are all encouraged to confess our sins, to make a resolution to sin no more, and to forgive those who hurt us. This unique sacrament is often called the Sacrament of Penance, Repentance or Conversion. In fact, we need all these elements to truthfully celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation and make it real in our life. Today’s liturgical readings encourage us to appreciate and embrace the Sacrament of Reconciliation as a part of preparation for Paschal Triduum and Easter season. The first reading is about Israel, the Chosen Nation, who travels through the desert to the Promised Land. After forty years of wondering in the wilderness God spoke to Joshua who led the Nation after Moses, “Today I have removed the reproach of Egypt from you…” (Joshua 5:9). God encouraged Israel to end their time of shame and disgrace from their enslavement in Egypt, and to make a new beginning for them and their children. I wonder why it took forty long years for the people of Isreal to rise above their times of slavery in Egypt. Similarly, the gospel parable brings an image of the Prodigal Son, who hesitated to return home even when he lost everything and suffered starvation. What took him so long to realize his wrongdoings, accept who he is and where he belongs? These two readings are good images of what the Sacrament of Reconciliation is and what we go through to realize our wrongdoings and our attachment to sin. Going to the Sacrament of Confession is like leaving the slavery of Egypt to become totally free. It is like making a decision to return home, to our loving Father, who is constantly waiting for me. It takes an effort and perhaps courage to realize our sinfulness and to confess our sins, but the result is great and rewarding. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is complete when it becomes a moment of true conversion from evil to good. The word conversion in Greek is describe in two words. Metanoia stands for repentance, and Epistrophe, which means a turning point or changing mind. We are supposed to change our thinking, from negative to positive or from sinful to good and virtuous, when we decide to go to the Sacrament of Confession. We confess our sins and we make a decision to sin no more. But we struggle to do so, because we like our sins and we are attached to our old sinful ways. We are very similar to Israel from today’s first reading, who left Egypt but mentally was still in slavery for many years. We are also similar to the Prodigal Son who was challenged and suffered starvation but still hesitated to return home to his loving father. The Sacrament of Reconciliation can transform our life forever when we truthfully decide to turn away from evil and offer ourselves to God totally without any condition. There are many occasions to receive the Sacrament of Confession during Lent at St. Martin of Tours. We scheduled two reconciliation services with a few priests available on April 2 @6 pm and April 12 @10 am. We will continue to offer the regular dates and time for confessions on Monday during Adoration at 6 pm, Saturday at 3 pm and First Friday after Mass at 8.30 am. Hopefully everyone will find a good occasion and willingness to receive and celebrate this wonderful Sacrament during Lenten Season. Fr. Andrzej
Reflecting on the image of God could be one of the elements of our Lenten journey. The image of God that we created in our heart is vital to all of us. It determines our relationship with God and how we pray. Today’s gospel on the 3rd Sunday of Lent, encourages us to ask a question about our personal image of God. “Who is God to me and what is my relationship with God?” The people of the Old Testament believed God to be a strict judge who watches people all the time. He rewards them for good and punishes them for evil deeds. The image of God was quite negative. According to the Old Testament, God followed the mentality, “life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, and foot for foot" (Deuteronomy 19:21). Furthermore, the Old Testament approach to the image of God was that every sickness, poverty, or childlessness were signs of the absence of God’s grace due to human sins. The New Testament brings us a more positive image of God. According to Jesus, God is like a loving parent who loves his children unconditionally even when they fail. God is like a Loving Father, who waits for his prodigal son and welcomes him home without a doubt and without condition. Jesus called God “Abba” (Daddy) when he taught his disciples how to pray the “Our Father”. God is compared to the Good Shepherd, who finds his lost sheep. Similarly, God is compared to a Woman, who rejoices when she finds her lost coin. The New Testament offers us an image of God which is positive and encouraging. In today’s gospel Jesus was confronted with two disasters in Israel. People who questioned him believed that those who were killed by Pilate and those who died during an accident in Siloam were punished by God for their sins. Jesus contradicted their belief with an image of God who is just, merciful, and loving. Jesus tells a parable about a gardener and fig tree as an answer to the people who doubted God’s unconditional love. God was compared to a hard-working gardener, who takes care of a tree even if the tree is fruitless for years. According to this parable, God loves all people regardless of their effort and good deeds. God never gives up on people. The Lenten season encourages us to reflect on our image of God. This is a good opportunity to think about the image of God we inherited from our parents and teachers in our childhood. Many of us were taught that God follows the Old Testament mentality of “eye for eye, tooth for tooth.” I know people who are afraid of God. This kind of image does not foster a close relationship with God, nor does it help us to pray. Perhaps our personal image of God has changed through the years, and we are not aware of it. Even if we believe in an image of God who is loving like a good parent, we can still have doubts. Let today’s gospel and our personal encounter with God during our Lenten journey dissolve our doubt and encourage us to trust in God completely. Fr. Andrzej
The Lenten season is a blessed time during which we reflect and pray over the passion and death of our Lord, Jesus Christ. It is a unique time in the liturgical year which encourages us to slow down and make a spiritual effort to fast, pray, and help others. This makes sense when we grow and make progress in our spiritual life at the same time. It makes even more sense when we experience positive change moving away from evil to good. When we understand and take the Lenten season sincerely, it has a transforming effect on/in us. Accordingly, this positive change is necessary to truthfully experience the Risen Lord during Easter. It is providential we reflect on the Transfiguration this Second Sunday of Lent. Transfiguration comes from the Greek word metamórfosi, which means change. In the gospel today Jesus went up to Mount Tabor and was transfigured before his disciples. His body and clothes were totally transformed, “his face changed in appearance and his clothing became dazzling white” (Luke 9:29). Today’s reading illustrates what Lent is about. Our effort like climbing a mount or even hill will be rewarded at the peak when we experience the Risen Lord. Additionally, transfiguration reminds us of our ultimate destination in heaven. Our body also will be transformed in heaven and become like the body of Jesus on Mount Tabor. There are two great prophets who were present during the vision of the transfiguration, Moses and Elijah. Both of them spent their entire lives in the desert and were well known as prophets of the desert. They remind us we need a desert, detachment from our busy life, reflection, and prayer during Lent. We need to find a desert, special place and time for God, during our journey of Lent. This kind of personal desert makes our effort to grow spiritually more effective. Perhaps you noticed the theme in our church during Lent is about desert. There are not flowers and splendid decoration on the sanctuary. Also, there is no water in the baptismal font to remind us the necessity of a desert place during Lent. Lastly, our spiritual effort and close relationship with God are very attractive. When we take it seriously and our effort becomes a habit of daily routine, we want to remain with God forever. At the end of the Transfiguration Peter suggested building tents to prolong his experience of the desert and the vision forever. He loved that place and moment. “Master, it is good that we are here; let us make three tents, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” (Luke 9:33). Contrary to his offer Jesus asked his disciples to return to the town to meet the people. It is a good reminder and encouragement for us that our spiritual effort during Lent must be rooted in our daily realities. Whatever we decide to practice and offer during Lent, longer and more effective prayer, fasting or alms giving, our effort must be practical and include the needs of our neighbor. Our spiritual growth makes sense if it brings us closer to God and people. Let us pray for each other to have a transforming experience during this blessed season of Lent. Fr. Andrzej
Last Wednesday we began the Lenten Season. We blessed and distributed ashes to everyone who participated in the Ash Wednesday liturgy. This ancient ritual of distribution of ashes with the blessing, “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return,” has a special and profound meaning for us. Unfortunately, many Catholics do not like Lent and misunderstand the symbolism of distribution of ashes. Lent and ashes carry negative meaning of repentance, sacrifice and conversion for them. As a matter of fact, this profound ritual of distribution of ashes has a positive and very encouraging meaning. These words of blessing, “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return,” were taken from the Book of Genesis (3:19). When the first humans, Adam and Eve were leaving the Garden of Eden after committing the original sin, God gave them a message of hope. God reminded them that their dignity was created in His image and likeness. They were created in the Garden of Eden, from the soil (dust) of Paradise, and that Eden was created for them. The Garden of Eden, the heavenly home is their destiny. At the same time, God promised them to return to their place where they were born and meant to be, to the land (dust) where they came from. Whatever happens outside of Eden, God will await and make an effort to bring them back home. This is good news! A great promise was offered to the first humans but also to all of us. And, it is not a coincidence that the liturgy of Ash Wednesday brings it back at the beginning of Lent. If we understand these words of God to the first humans, we will understand the true meaning of Lent. “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return,” are key words of Lent and perhaps the most beautiful words spoken by God to the human beings in the Bible. These words of God’s promise encourage us to begin Lent with enthusiasm and willingness to help God to bring us back to our heavenly home. We keep in mind theses words, when we make our resolutions to alms giving, fasting and prayer during this blessed time of Lent. May Lent become a meaningful journey with God for each of us individually and as a religious community of St. Martin of Tours. At our parish, we will have many prayer services and spiritual events to help us to go through this blessed time meaningfully. I will just mention a few of the upcoming events in Lent. Traditional Stations of the Cross will be led by various groups (including youth and children) on Fridays at 6pm. Lenten recollection weekend is scheduled on April 5-6. Sacrament of Reconciliation is scheduled twice, on April 2 at 6pm and April 12 at 10am. Hopefully everybody will have an opportunity to confess their sins before the celebration of Easter. The Pascal Triduum (Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Ester Sunday) culminate our Lenten Journey. It will be solemnly celebrated at our parish in similar form and time as in previous years. Additionally, we have a few formation and social events during Lent and Holy Week. Everyone is invited to join the adult formation sessions organized by Christian Women and Men of Christ. There will be a traditional brunch on Palm Sunday. It is a great opportunity to invite whole families to begin the Holy Week with prayer and fellowship. There are many other ministries, prayer and social events during Lent. Please see the parish bulletin, TVs, and website for more information and details. Have a blessed and meaningful journey of Lent. Fr. Andrzej